Monday, March 30, 2009

Retaining Fluid

The past few days I have been retaining a lot of fluid. This morning when I got up I was 12 pounds heavier than I was on Thursday. This is not good. I knew it was time to call my doctor. I don't like calling my doctor cause I never want to be admitted to the hospital. I hate going to the hospital.

Well they increased my lasix by 80mg today. Told me if I don't get the fluid off of me that I will have to go into the hospital. The last time this happened and she wanted me in the hospital I fought her on it. She knows I hate going to the hospital. I have an appointment with her on April 15th. She is seeing if they can work me in on this Wednesday instead of waiting for two more weeks.

I can say that I am 4 pounds lighter this evening than I was this morning. So the extra lasix is working. Hopefully that in the morning it will be more and I don't have to worry about going to the hospital. She did also increase my Remodulin. With that will come the side effects. Mostly it will be bad headaches. That is already starting a little bit. I try not to complain about it to much. I have to look at it as this medicine is saving my life.

I have to get myself healthy. There is so much going on right now. Both my dad and step mom have been in the hospital in the past month. First my step mom was in there she got out and my dad went in. Then she got sick again after he came home and she is back in there again. So we have been really busy. I have not been getting the rest I need. Just say a prayer for me that I will get all this fluid off of me.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

My favorite bible passage

I have been reading some blogs tonight. It is very late and I cant sleep. It amazes me what some people have to endure on a daily basis. Yet they stay positive most of the time. That is what we have to do is stay positive about everything. With God all things are possible. We have to keep turning to him for all our needs. Here ismy favorite bible passage that I would like to share with you.

Jeremiah 29:11-14, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you," declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity.

Recently I have have been clinging to this passage. I know that if I have faith and believe then God is going to take care of me. Doesnt mean he is going to heal me. I have wondered many times why I was the one to get sick. I prayed and prayed why me God. God spoke to me and said why not you. Why should it be someone else other than you. You know it got me to thinking that we are all equal. Not one of us is better than the other. God loves us all the same. We need to show that love and support all the time to each other.

There are some days that it is hard to love others. Some days it is hard to love myself. We all have bad days. We never know what is going on in someone elses life at that moment. When we see someone being ugly we need to encourage them. Even if they are being ugly to us. Wow what a difference our world would be if we all did that. I am trying so hard to do that right now.

I keep praying and asking God to show me when I am not being loving to someone. I am the type of person that cant hold a grudge. I just want to see the good in everyone. Yes there are some people that are hard to be around. I still have to love them, isnt that what God does with us.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Been A Tough Month

Sometimes I wonder if there will ever be a week that something isnt going on. It seems as soon as I get through one thing something else comes up. Wouldnt it be nice to have just one week where everything goes as it should and you have no worries.

Well I know that isnt going to happen until I get to heaven. The past few months I have been through a lot of stuff. I often wonder why I have to go through it. Its not for me to know God has a plan. I trust God completely and will serve him no matter what is coming my way. I have had to learn how to keep giving things to God and not try to solve them on my own.

As far as my PH I cant complain. There are so many people out there that has it so much harder than me. Yes I am limited on what I can do. My family has adjusted over the years. Sometimes I get upset that I cant do the simple task as to walk through Walmart. That there are so many people out there that take that for granted. I think I talked about this in an earlier post. I think that is the one thing I miss the most. That I just cant go somewhere and be able to walk very far.

I am just trying to keep a positive attitude about everything. I am trying not to let things get to me. I dont need to add more stress to myself than I have already. Stress can do so much to a persons body. I just keep counting my blessings that God has blessed me with.

Monday, March 9, 2009

I think I am fighting a losing battle

I know that I am not alone in trying to lose weight. If you have never tried to lose weight I want to know who you are. I think that losing weight is harder than trying to keep myself healthy. I get so frustrated all the time.

There are so many diets out there. Each one promises that you can lose a lot of weight in such a short period of time. They are all liars. People will do anything to get your money. I have looked into a few of them. Thinking that would be great. Then I see how much it cost and that ends that. I didnt put the weight on in a couple of months. So why do I think I can take it off in a couple of months.

We live in a society that we want everything right now. We dont want to wait for anything. There are drive thrus for everything now. For fast food, drug stores, banks, even for weddings! We need to slow down. We dont walk for anything anymore. We have to drive everywhere we go. We live two blocks from a grocery store. My son and daughter both look at me weird if I tell them they can walk to the store.

I remember back when I was a teenager that we were always out riding our bikes all over town. We never just sit around the house and watched tv or played video games. We were out and about as much as possible. If we were around home we would have had more chores to do. We never said we were bored. That is all I here from my son who is now 12 yrs old. He needs to lose some weight too. It is like pulling teeth to get him to go outside and play. What is going to have to happen to get him moviated.

I am trying so hard to lose weight. My weight goes up and down due to retaining water. That makes it difficult for me to know how much weight I am losing. A few weeks ago I bought a dvd called Walking Off The Pounds. It is an in home walking video. You can do 1,2.or 3 miles. Since I have to be very limited on my exercise I only do the one mile. When I first started I could only do 5 minutes. Today I got in 15 minutes. That is a hugh thing for me.

I am trying to get my whole family to eat more healthy. My husband is addicted to chocolate. Sometimes that is hard. I have a sweet tooth and love my chocolate too. Portion control is the key. I tried like only eating twice a day and no luck in losing. I know that I have to eat to lose. To me that just doesnt make sense. The less I eat the more I should lose in my mind. I know that is not how it works.

So this week I am working on healthy eating and portion control. When I see results I feel really good. When I dont lose I feel really bad. I have been working on this for a long long time. Will I be successful in losing the weight? Guess it depends on what you consider successful. For me my first goal is to lose ten pounds before summer. I am making very small goals that I can acheive. Would I love to lose 50 pounds by summer, sure I would. I just know that I would fail setting a goal like that.

Am I all only in this battle or are others out that that have failed so many times before too? If so I would love to hear from you. Love to have some buddies in this diet journey.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Just Another Day

Right now things seem to be pretty good with me. Yes I am having some shortness of breath. It has been cold again this week. I am sure that is part of the problem. I just increased my medicine last week. I thought that would take care of it but it didn't as much as I wanted it to. Maybe I need another increase this week.

I don't like when I have to increase my medicine. To me it seems like I am getting worse when I have too. I have not been eating very good either. Eating the wrong things. I had stopped drinking all pop including diet pop. Well last week I was drinking pop. I felt blotted all last week. That could have caused my shortness of breath too.

Some weeks it is hard just trying to deal with my illness on a daily basis. Some days I don't think much about it. Just depends on how I am feeling. My husband is great all the time. He always puts me first no matter what is going on that day. Sometimes I feel guilty for as much as he does for me.

I feel I am all over the place with what is going through my head today. Yes I think about my illness and think of things that I could do if I wasn't sick. I remember how active I was before I was sick. Then I think of how it has changed my life in good ways from getting sick. I have been able to be home for my son. Now I am able to home school him. Some days that is a blessing and some days it isn't.

I just have to take it one day at a time. Have to take the good days with the bad days. I just keep giving it to God and thanking him for everyday he gives me to be with my family. Even on the days that I am ready to wring all of their necks.