Wow! Been A Year Since I Posted!!

I cant beleive it has been a year since I have posted on my blog!! Where does the time go anymore. Well lets see what has been going on in my life in the past year. My daughter has moved out and in with her boyfriend with his son and her two boys. It makes it so nice and quiet at my house most days now. I love them to death but I enjoy my quiet time too. Having PH I need that quiet time. In December my daughter added to our family with another baby boy!! That makes 3 boys for her. They are now 5 yrs old, 20 months old, and 3 months old. They are the light of my world!! Love my grandbabies and enjoy my time with them! My son is now 14 yrs old and I have been home schooling him again this year. He stays active with our church youth group and with family. As long as he has video games and movies he is happy. Getting him to do things outside is like pulling teeth! What is wrong with kids today they never want to do anything that doesnt involve video games. My husband still has his job! Thank God for that!! So many people in our area have lost their jobs in the past couple of years. Things get tough but we are doing our best. There have been a few lay offs where he works, but he has been very lucky as to not be one that has lost their job. My PH is about the same as it was last year. One thing I have been working on is trying to lose weight. I am losing it slowly. Each time I have gone to the doctor in the past year I have been down in my weight and average of 5 pounds per visit. I know this is helping me with my PH. Still have my good and bad days but overall I think I am doing okay. My doc might think different but I know how I feel. Well hope to catch up on reading all of your blogs since I have been gone for so long. I promise not to stay away so long this time!!!

Teenagers!!

I have one son who is 13 yrs old. My daughter is 22 yrs old and have been through all that teenage stuff with her. Now it is my sons turn. Boy does he have that teenager attitude.

I really dont think that a teenager has a brain sometimes. They do some things that you just sit back and think what in the world were they thinking. My son is a good kid but some things I just have to shake my head.

I dont know maybe its just me. I know having PH makes me see things a little bit different. I just know that I will be glad when we make it through all these teenage years. My daughter has finally told me that she should have listened to me all those years. That mom really knows what is best. I just wish I son would learn that now and we will not have to deal with all the things that will be coming up. Right now mostly girls!!!!!lol!

Echo Results

I got a call from my doc with the results of my echo that was done the end of February. I was sitting in the docs office with my mom. She was getting the results from her biopsy on her thyroid. The doc just told us that they were not sure if it was cancer or not and they would have to do surgery. He was walking out the door to get the paperwork on the surgery.

My cell rang and it was my docs office. They told me that my echo was worse from last year. Last year my pressure was at 56. This year it is at 87. I was surprised it was up that much. I wasnt surprised that it was up some as I have not been feeling well the past six months. I have sleep apena and need another sleep study done. So we are going to be doing that. My nurse said that it could be part of the problem. We have got to work on getting my pressure back down.

I was trying to process the news my mom got and the news I got. We are just going to have to make any changes that are necessary to get my pressures back down. Some days I really hate having PH and this was one of those days.

Visit to my PH doc

I seen my PH doc on Feb. 26th. I had been having a hard time sleeping and was up the entire night before my visit. She wasn't real happy with my six minute walk. I had not walked as far as the last time. She thinks me not getting any rest could have something to do with it. I also had an echo. She did not have the results before I left. So I don't know if there is any change in that from last May. She did give me the ok to start going back to curves.

On March 19th I have a consult with a surgeon. I have a hernia that has gotten bigger so she wants me to see the surgeon to see if he thinks it needs fixed. It isnt causing me any problems just getting a little bit bigger. This worries me a lot. Having surgery and PH just dont go good together. So we will have to wait and see what he has to say. So I am waiting until after we see him to start back to curves. No since in starting and then not being able to go for a while if I have to have surgery. Any other PHers ever had any surgeries if so how did your PH affect it?

Snow! Snow! Snow!!

Is it ever going to stop snowing here in Ohio? I have not seen this much snow in a long time. PH and snow don't go good together. I have not been out for two weeks now. First it was cause I had to flu then it started snowing. No sooner do we get the roads cleared and we get hit by another storm. The kids are loving it cause they don't have school. They don't realize that they are going to have to make these days up at the end of the school year when it is warm outside!!

This cold weather makes it so hard to breath when I go out. That is another reason why I have stayed inside so long. My husband told me last night that I should get out for a while. I don't want to go out. I don't like having to mess with the snow. People just don't know how to drive on the snow either. I have lived here all my life and still I don't like all this snow. Sure I would love to see snow on Christmas day but that is it.

My grandson loves to play in it. He was having a snowball fight with his papaw the other day. He loved that and his dad took him sledding a few weeks ago. He really loves doing that. He is only 4 yrs old.

So if you could not tell I don't like the snow!!!! Come on Spring!!!!!!!!!!!

Been A While Since I Have Posted

It has been a while since I have even thought about blogging. It just has been so very busy around here. I know that is not an excuse but that is my excuse. lol.

My daughter had her baby about two and a half weeks ago. He was early and was in Childrens Hospital for five days. He is doing great now!! He is adorable!! My family is what keeps me going.

I have been feeling pretty good lately. I am having trouble with swelling. Trying to get all this fluid off of me. It is hard for me to take extra water pills if I am not going to be at home. It would help if I would not fall asleep in the recliner with my legs hanging down. I know that is part of the problem.

I know that God is watching over me and my family. Usually summers are very bad for me. So far this summer has been pretty good for me. One reason could be that it hasnt gotten real hot and humid here this year. I am just glad that I have not had a bad summer.

There seems to be so much saddness around lately. So many people have lost their jobs in this area. DHL was here and about 10,000 people are without jobs. Everyone seems so sad so that makes me sad. I dont know if it is the economy or just me that is getting me down. We were worried for a while that my husband was going to lose his job. Thank God he didnt. I dont know what these families are doing that are losing their jobs. Its depressing everywhere not just here.

I found a knot on the front of my neck a few weeks ago. Went to the doctor and she said its a goiter. That I had to go on medicne for my thyroid. I was so worried it was cancer. She did an ultersound on it. One more thing that God has taken care of for me. So I am on another pill. As long as it is helping me I am not going to worry about it. I just have to trust God.

I know I am all over the place with this post. I just have so much running through my mind I am just typing as it comes to me. I guess that is enough for now. How is everyone else doing?

Test Results Are In

I got my test results from my echo of my heart and the ultrasound on my throat. God is so good. We are happy with the results of both test. Finally I feel that I am heading in the right direction.

First the echo, we do one of these every year. The past three yrs we have not seen any improvements at all. I had been getting a little discouraged over this. Well this one is showing improvement in the heart. That is really good news. I was really happy with that. We started a new medicine called Letairis back in December and I think it is helping. Also I have been trying so hard to lose weight. It is coming off very slow but its coming off. I think that is helping too. I know that losing weight has to help. It will be easier on my heart without the excess weight.

Losing weight is not an easy thing to do. I hear people say just dont eat and you will lose weight. It isnt all about eating it is other things too. I am working on all of that and it is taking time. I know that I will get the weight off but it will be slow. I want it to be slow so that I dont gain it all back.

The other test I had was on my thyroid. I have a knot on the front of my neck. They call it a goiter. They have put me on thyroid medicine and will check it again in a couple of months. I was very happy with this. I was concerned about it and spent time in prayer. I kept giving it to God every time that I started to worry about it. God took care of it for me.

I serve an awesome God. God has always been there for me no matter what I am dealing with. Has it been easy, of course not. God never promised us that everything would be easy for us. I know that during the times that I am going through tough times God is right there with me. That is how I grow as a Christian. I think so many people think that once you become a Christian that you dont have problems anymore. Maybe that you dont but that you shouldnt. That is very far from the truth. I know with my illness I see it as a blessing in some ways. I have come across so many people. I have made some wonderful friends. I am doing this blog and you are here reading it. I count it a blessing to be able to share me story with all of you.

I am here to help others and uplift and vent when I need too.

Always remember that God loves all of us the same and want all of us to be happy!

Had a vist to my PH doctor

Wednesday I had an appointment with my PH doctor. It went well. I have lost 8 pounds since my last visit. So she was very happy with that. I just need to keep losing.

I had an echo done. I think its been about a year or so since my last one. I still have not heard what the results were for that yet. I am hoping that I am doing better. As long as it isnt getting worse I will be fine with that. I had to do my 6mw and didnt do so good. It was late afternoon and I had not eaten all day. I was getting really hot during the walk and light headed. I know it was cause I had not had anything to eat. I am sure she isnt going to be happy with that walk. I wasnt happy with it.

We talked about a knot that I found last Friday on the front of my throat. It is my thyroid. I got my bloodwork done on Tuesday and my Primary doctor checked it and said it was my thyroid. She did a blood test and scheduled me for a ultrasound of my thyroid on Thursday. My PH doc said that she doesnt think that it is much to worry about. That my thyroid has been working overtime and is inflamed. She said that only about 5% of thyroid problems are serious. That is may just have to go on medicine for it. I have not heard anything yet and today is Saturday. So I am hoping that no news is good news.

I just dont need something else to have to worry about right now. I just keep praying that everything is going to be okay.

Cincinnati PH Phourm

Last night I had the opportunity to speak at the PH Phourm in Cincinnati. I was very impressed with the turnout. It was great and the doctor and nurse who spoke did a great job.

I was a bit nervous since this was my first time telling my story. It was a lot easier than I thought. I knew I was in a room full of people who understood what I was going through. I hope that I was able to help someone in some way. Having being dx almost 10 yrs ago gives people hope.

It wasnt until later in the evening that I had some drama. While I was at the meeting I was very hot and was a little short of breath. I thought that it was just cause I was a bit nervous about speaking. On the way home I was still really hot. We dropped my son and husband off at home then we headed to Walmart to do grocery shopping.

My daughter and I got to Walmart and thank goodness they had the electric carts available. I was riding through the store and noticed that I was starting to get a little dizzy. I thought what is going on. As I was walking out of the store I thought that I should check my pump to make sure it was working. I looked at it and it was not even on!!! I had done a medicine change before we left for the meeting. I was in a hurry cause I always double check my pump to make sure I have it on. I did that at 4pm and it was 11pm. I had been without my Remodulin for 7 hours.

I called the nurse at Accredo and talked to her. I came home and got ready for bed and put on my oxygen. I knew being without the drug for that time that I was going to have some side effects. Yes I was having a very bad headache. Then today the diarrhea started. I was not surprised. I did email my doctor and told her what had happened.

About a year and a half ago I had a crack in my line. I could not even sit up without almost passing out. Then I was getting some of the drug but not all. This time I was not getting anything at all and was doing pretty well. My SOB wasnt bad. My doc said that that is showing her that my heart is getting better. That is really good news for us. I do have an echo scheduled for the end of this month.

I have been losing weight again. I know that losing the weight is helping me a lot. I just thank God that he was watching over me during this time. I am still amazed that I was able to speak last night and not get so SOB or even pass out!! Praise God!!

Went Away For The Weekend

My husband and I went to his parents for the weekend. They live about four hours away. I had told my husband at the beginning of the week if we were going to go before it got to hot we had to go this weekend.

We left on Friday morning and came home on Saturday night. It was a short trip but we had fun. My husband got to reconnect with his high school buddie. It was nice seeing my husband have a good time. We spent some time at one of his sisters. His brother was there also. My stepson was there with us too. We got to spend some quiet time with my stepson on Friday night. We all enjoyed that. My husband misses his family. It was a surprise to his dad.

On the way up there we had some problems with my central line leaking. We had to stop and I had to change it. I am glad that we got it fixed in time. I was wondering why I was short of breath with I got up on Friday morning. I started getting lightheaded again on Saturday morning. I was afraid that I was going to swell up a lot since I had not taken my lasix for two days. I wasnt to bad when I got home.

We both were so very tired when we got home on Saturday night. I am glad that we made the trip. My husband had a good time and that is what was important to me. This weekend was for him. I love him very much and want to do as much as I can for him. He is always there helping me. This was a small thing that I was able to do for him. I love him very much.

Seen My PH Doc This Week

Wednesday I seen my ph doc. I had stopped taking my Letairis last week. I wanted to see if it was what was making me swell up and feel so tired all the time. It was so I told my doc what I had done. She is putting me back on it at the lower dose. She wasnt surprised that I had stopped taking it. She said nothing surprises her that I do.

I have had a cough for a few days so she did a chest xray and I had my labs and six minute walk done. I have gained some weight back since my last visit in December. I knew I would have a gain. I have got to get the weight off. Why is it so very easy to gain but so hard to lose weight? That is a whole nother issue.

Today my PH nurse called and said that my doc wanted me to do an increase on my Remodulin. Oh what fun that is. I hate the side effects. I had to do an increase a little over a week ago and still having the side effects from that increase. I hate to increase my medicine. To me it is a sign of failure. That my PH is getting worse. I dont like to think about that.

I have a new grandchild on the way and need to get healthy. It seems the harder I try the more sick I get. Some days I feel like that I cannot keep fighting but I have a family that needs me. I just keep praying and trusting God.

Things I Am Thankful For

There has been so much going on that is depressing lately. I thought it was time that I reflect on things that I am thankful for. So here goes.

1. God My Father - Without God I would be nothing. He carries me through each day. I have a peace within me that only God can put there. I know that when I die I will be going to heaven. I thank God everyday for sending his son Jesus to the cross to die for our sins.

2. My husband Russ - I sure don't know what I would do without him. We have been married for about 6.5 yrs now. I was sick before we even met. We met on the Internet. Yes ladies there are really good men that you can meet on the Internet. God put us together is the only way to explain it. He is my rock and will do anything in the world for me and my family. God has truly blessed me with him. I love my husband very much.

3. My daughter Dawn - She is 21 yrs old. Yes she gave me a large amount of gray hairs during her teenage years. She has turned out to be a beautiful woman. A good mother to her son. We are not just mother and daughter we are friends too. I love my daughter very much.

4. My son Spencer - He is my baby boy. I love him very much. He is 12 yrs old and entering those teenage years. Yes we have challenges but he is a great kid who loves to sing in church. I love getting his hugs and kisses everyday.

5. My grandson Landon - What a joy he has brought to our lives. He is 3 yrs old and so full of life. Even on the days I am ready to pull my heart out he is a blessing. He is always ready to help me when he knows I am not feeling well. I love my grandson very much.

6. My mom - There is so much I could say about my mom. She has been there for me from the beginning of getting PH. She is one of my best friends. She is there when I need her for anything. Having her live right behind me has been such a blessing. Mom I love you!

7. My dad - My dad is a very strong man. He is a loving father. He has been there for me from the beginning too. He is there ready to do anything for me when I need his help. Even when he is sick he is more worried about me. He has told me if he could take this illness from me he would. That is true love. I love my dad very much.

8. Special friends Holly, Lisa, Jeanie, Elisha, and Kathy - They all have been so very dear to me. I met Elisha and Kathy as a result of my PH. They both are very special to me. They have been there to help me with whatever I need help with. Holly, Lisa, and Jeanie have always been there for me. Even getting on me when I need to slow down. They can tell when I am having a bad day. I appreciate all they have done for me and how they tell me to stop when I need to.

9. My church family - I know that I have many people praying for me all the time. When I am not feeling well that I can call on them to pray for me. I love my church family.

10. My wonderful doctor Dr. Sood - She is a very good PH doctor. She sometimes has to get tough with me. She doesn't just care about my PH she cares about me as a person and what is going on in my life. I love her and thank God for her.

I could go on and on all day. I needed to get all of this down so that it can be a reminder to me what I have to be thankful for. For those days that I am feeling low and I come back to this post and remind myself. God has truly blessed me.

Retaining Fluid

The past few days I have been retaining a lot of fluid. This morning when I got up I was 12 pounds heavier than I was on Thursday. This is not good. I knew it was time to call my doctor. I don't like calling my doctor cause I never want to be admitted to the hospital. I hate going to the hospital.

Well they increased my lasix by 80mg today. Told me if I don't get the fluid off of me that I will have to go into the hospital. The last time this happened and she wanted me in the hospital I fought her on it. She knows I hate going to the hospital. I have an appointment with her on April 15th. She is seeing if they can work me in on this Wednesday instead of waiting for two more weeks.

I can say that I am 4 pounds lighter this evening than I was this morning. So the extra lasix is working. Hopefully that in the morning it will be more and I don't have to worry about going to the hospital. She did also increase my Remodulin. With that will come the side effects. Mostly it will be bad headaches. That is already starting a little bit. I try not to complain about it to much. I have to look at it as this medicine is saving my life.

I have to get myself healthy. There is so much going on right now. Both my dad and step mom have been in the hospital in the past month. First my step mom was in there she got out and my dad went in. Then she got sick again after he came home and she is back in there again. So we have been really busy. I have not been getting the rest I need. Just say a prayer for me that I will get all this fluid off of me.

My favorite bible passage

I have been reading some blogs tonight. It is very late and I cant sleep. It amazes me what some people have to endure on a daily basis. Yet they stay positive most of the time. That is what we have to do is stay positive about everything. With God all things are possible. We have to keep turning to him for all our needs. Here ismy favorite bible passage that I would like to share with you.

Jeremiah 29:11-14, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you," declares the Lord, and will bring you back from captivity.

Recently I have have been clinging to this passage. I know that if I have faith and believe then God is going to take care of me. Doesnt mean he is going to heal me. I have wondered many times why I was the one to get sick. I prayed and prayed why me God. God spoke to me and said why not you. Why should it be someone else other than you. You know it got me to thinking that we are all equal. Not one of us is better than the other. God loves us all the same. We need to show that love and support all the time to each other.

There are some days that it is hard to love others. Some days it is hard to love myself. We all have bad days. We never know what is going on in someone elses life at that moment. When we see someone being ugly we need to encourage them. Even if they are being ugly to us. Wow what a difference our world would be if we all did that. I am trying so hard to do that right now.

I keep praying and asking God to show me when I am not being loving to someone. I am the type of person that cant hold a grudge. I just want to see the good in everyone. Yes there are some people that are hard to be around. I still have to love them, isnt that what God does with us.

Been A Tough Month

Sometimes I wonder if there will ever be a week that something isnt going on. It seems as soon as I get through one thing something else comes up. Wouldnt it be nice to have just one week where everything goes as it should and you have no worries.

Well I know that isnt going to happen until I get to heaven. The past few months I have been through a lot of stuff. I often wonder why I have to go through it. Its not for me to know God has a plan. I trust God completely and will serve him no matter what is coming my way. I have had to learn how to keep giving things to God and not try to solve them on my own.

As far as my PH I cant complain. There are so many people out there that has it so much harder than me. Yes I am limited on what I can do. My family has adjusted over the years. Sometimes I get upset that I cant do the simple task as to walk through Walmart. That there are so many people out there that take that for granted. I think I talked about this in an earlier post. I think that is the one thing I miss the most. That I just cant go somewhere and be able to walk very far.

I am just trying to keep a positive attitude about everything. I am trying not to let things get to me. I dont need to add more stress to myself than I have already. Stress can do so much to a persons body. I just keep counting my blessings that God has blessed me with.

I think I am fighting a losing battle

I know that I am not alone in trying to lose weight. If you have never tried to lose weight I want to know who you are. I think that losing weight is harder than trying to keep myself healthy. I get so frustrated all the time.

There are so many diets out there. Each one promises that you can lose a lot of weight in such a short period of time. They are all liars. People will do anything to get your money. I have looked into a few of them. Thinking that would be great. Then I see how much it cost and that ends that. I didnt put the weight on in a couple of months. So why do I think I can take it off in a couple of months.

We live in a society that we want everything right now. We dont want to wait for anything. There are drive thrus for everything now. For fast food, drug stores, banks, even for weddings! We need to slow down. We dont walk for anything anymore. We have to drive everywhere we go. We live two blocks from a grocery store. My son and daughter both look at me weird if I tell them they can walk to the store.

I remember back when I was a teenager that we were always out riding our bikes all over town. We never just sit around the house and watched tv or played video games. We were out and about as much as possible. If we were around home we would have had more chores to do. We never said we were bored. That is all I here from my son who is now 12 yrs old. He needs to lose some weight too. It is like pulling teeth to get him to go outside and play. What is going to have to happen to get him moviated.

I am trying so hard to lose weight. My weight goes up and down due to retaining water. That makes it difficult for me to know how much weight I am losing. A few weeks ago I bought a dvd called Walking Off The Pounds. It is an in home walking video. You can do 1,2.or 3 miles. Since I have to be very limited on my exercise I only do the one mile. When I first started I could only do 5 minutes. Today I got in 15 minutes. That is a hugh thing for me.

I am trying to get my whole family to eat more healthy. My husband is addicted to chocolate. Sometimes that is hard. I have a sweet tooth and love my chocolate too. Portion control is the key. I tried like only eating twice a day and no luck in losing. I know that I have to eat to lose. To me that just doesnt make sense. The less I eat the more I should lose in my mind. I know that is not how it works.

So this week I am working on healthy eating and portion control. When I see results I feel really good. When I dont lose I feel really bad. I have been working on this for a long long time. Will I be successful in losing the weight? Guess it depends on what you consider successful. For me my first goal is to lose ten pounds before summer. I am making very small goals that I can acheive. Would I love to lose 50 pounds by summer, sure I would. I just know that I would fail setting a goal like that.

Am I all only in this battle or are others out that that have failed so many times before too? If so I would love to hear from you. Love to have some buddies in this diet journey.

Just Another Day

Right now things seem to be pretty good with me. Yes I am having some shortness of breath. It has been cold again this week. I am sure that is part of the problem. I just increased my medicine last week. I thought that would take care of it but it didn't as much as I wanted it to. Maybe I need another increase this week.

I don't like when I have to increase my medicine. To me it seems like I am getting worse when I have too. I have not been eating very good either. Eating the wrong things. I had stopped drinking all pop including diet pop. Well last week I was drinking pop. I felt blotted all last week. That could have caused my shortness of breath too.

Some weeks it is hard just trying to deal with my illness on a daily basis. Some days I don't think much about it. Just depends on how I am feeling. My husband is great all the time. He always puts me first no matter what is going on that day. Sometimes I feel guilty for as much as he does for me.

I feel I am all over the place with what is going through my head today. Yes I think about my illness and think of things that I could do if I wasn't sick. I remember how active I was before I was sick. Then I think of how it has changed my life in good ways from getting sick. I have been able to be home for my son. Now I am able to home school him. Some days that is a blessing and some days it isn't.

I just have to take it one day at a time. Have to take the good days with the bad days. I just keep giving it to God and thanking him for everyday he gives me to be with my family. Even on the days that I am ready to wring all of their necks.

Just a blah day

The past couple of days have just been blah days for me. Feel like I am in a rut. My husband has a pulled muscle in his chest and has been in some pain. So I have been trying to help take care of him for once. He is always taking care of me.

We stayed home from church yesterday. He wasn't feeling good neither was I . I had to increase my remodulin this past week. I was having trouble with Shortness of Breath and swelling. This is the first time I have had to do an increase since September 2008.

I get a little down every time I have to do an increase. To me it is showing me that I am not doing as well as I think I am. I see it as a defeat. I know many people will be like what are you thinking. That is just me and how I feel. My goal is to get better and increasing isn't getting better. So I guess I have been a little down about that too.

I try to stay positive with everything but some days that is just hard to do. I know that I can only take it one day at a time. God is going to take care of me and my family through this journey. I have to keep praying and giving it to God everyday.

This blog has helped me in so many ways. A lot of times I have a problem expressing my feelings. I know I can come here and get all my feelings out. Thanks to all of you who take the time to care and read my blog. I could be fooling myself and no one reads it but that is okay. I am doing this for me and to help someone else if I can.

Watching People

Since getting sick I watch people more. I envy things that people take for granted everyday. Before getting sick I took a lot of things for granted too. I guess until you have to deal with something that you dont think about the things that just come natural to us.

Like sleeping in my bed all night. Before getting sick I could sleep in my bed all night. Not have to get up cause I cant breath. Now some nights I am lucky to be in my bed for 2 hours. I can never go more that 4 hours without having to get up. Yes I use oxygen at night. I still have to get up and sleep in the recliner. Some night I watch my husband sleeping and wish I could do that just for one night. That is something that I never thought of before. Some nights I cant sleep in my bed at all. Just depends on what kind of day I am having. Just being able to lay down is so heavenly sometimes.

When I had to go on oxygen almost two years ago I was so upset. First it was showing me I was getting worse. That was hard to accept. I have been fighting so hard and going on oxygen felt like a failure to me. Having to go out in public scared me to death. I remember the first time I had to go out to Walmart. I got so many stares. I could not believe people can be like this. One little boy kept staring at me. He asked his mommy why I was wearing that thing in my nose. She told him it was because I was too fat and had trouble breathing. I cried and cried over that. I never stared at people that I would see with a disability or using oxygen. I would go out of my way to help them if I see they needed help. That is how I taught my kids too. Now I was one of those people. Even at church I had a man staring at me. I thought it was very rude of him. It really upset me for I thought I could go to church and not have to worry about people staring. When that happened I just cried and wanted to go home and not show my face in public again.

Having to use an electric cart and people would get annoyed with you cause you were in there way. What happened to compassion in people. I just dont understand it anymore. I would watch people going about there business. They could walk through the store and were able to breath. I say to myself they dont know how lucky they are. What so many of us would give just to be able to walk through the store and be able to breath.

We all take so much for granted everyday. I know there are still things that I take for granted. We all have to be more aware of what we are saying and doing to people. We never know what someone might be going through. Life is not easy for any of us. I have to keep praying everyday that God gives me the strength to go on.

My Wonderful Husband

When I first got sick I was going through a bad divorce. I never thought that I would meet my soul mate. I was in early 2002 I was bored one night. I thought I will check out a yahoo chat room. I had not been in chat rooms before. So I didn't know what to expect. As soon as I got in the chat room I started getting these instant messages. Of course they just want to talk dirty. Then this man popped up and was being very nice. I am wondering when is he going to start talking dirty and I have to delete him too.

That never happened. We talked on the computer for a couple of months before we talked on the phone. I was very up front with him from the beginning about my illness and being a single mom. I thought for sure that would be the last time that I would hear from him. We took the time to get to know each other before we met. I would ask him the same questions over a few weeks apart. To see if he was for real or just another jerk.

He was for real. We met in the summer of 2002. He lived 4 hrs from me. I knew I loved him when we met. My mom was not to happy that I was meeting someone off the Internet. His family was not happy either. We knew we were meant for each other. That summer is when we decided to get married. First we had to decide where we wanted to live. He lived 4 hrs away. I have never lived away like that.

I had told him that I would move so he wouldn't have to change jobs. He called me one weekend and told me that he gave his 2 weeks notice. That he knew that he needed to move where I lived. His family thought he was nuts. From the beginning I got the feeling that his mother didn't really like me. Yes that bothered me but I wasn't marrying her. He told his family about my illness. I don't think they really understand how serious it is.

We were planning on getting married in the Spring of 2003. We were planning the wedding and I was going to school. It was all stressful on me. I came home from school one afternoon and told him I thought we should just go to Gatlinburg, TN and get married. We called our parents and told them we were going. They were more than welcome to come if they wanted to. That was on Wednesday and we left the next morning.

It didn't matter to him that I had an illness. I made sure he understood everything about my PH before I agreed to marry him. At first I had a hard time understanding why anyone would want to be with me being sick. When you find that someone it isn't going to matter if they really love you. We have been married for over 6 years now. I have a wonderful husband. Wish I could have met him 20 years ago. He helps me so much. He will cook, clean, do laundry, help with the kids. He does everything I need him to do. He does it all without complaining. I could not have asked for a better husband. Both my parents love him. Everyone who knows us tells me all the time I am lucky to have a wonderful husband.

Yes I am lucky but God deserves all the credit. God put us together. What are the odds that both of us would be in the same chat room at the same time. I thank God for him everyday. If there is anyone who thinks just because you are sick you are not going to find anyone don't give up. Even though I live with PH I still am able to have a life.