Watching People

Since getting sick I watch people more. I envy things that people take for granted everyday. Before getting sick I took a lot of things for granted too. I guess until you have to deal with something that you dont think about the things that just come natural to us.

Like sleeping in my bed all night. Before getting sick I could sleep in my bed all night. Not have to get up cause I cant breath. Now some nights I am lucky to be in my bed for 2 hours. I can never go more that 4 hours without having to get up. Yes I use oxygen at night. I still have to get up and sleep in the recliner. Some night I watch my husband sleeping and wish I could do that just for one night. That is something that I never thought of before. Some nights I cant sleep in my bed at all. Just depends on what kind of day I am having. Just being able to lay down is so heavenly sometimes.

When I had to go on oxygen almost two years ago I was so upset. First it was showing me I was getting worse. That was hard to accept. I have been fighting so hard and going on oxygen felt like a failure to me. Having to go out in public scared me to death. I remember the first time I had to go out to Walmart. I got so many stares. I could not believe people can be like this. One little boy kept staring at me. He asked his mommy why I was wearing that thing in my nose. She told him it was because I was too fat and had trouble breathing. I cried and cried over that. I never stared at people that I would see with a disability or using oxygen. I would go out of my way to help them if I see they needed help. That is how I taught my kids too. Now I was one of those people. Even at church I had a man staring at me. I thought it was very rude of him. It really upset me for I thought I could go to church and not have to worry about people staring. When that happened I just cried and wanted to go home and not show my face in public again.

Having to use an electric cart and people would get annoyed with you cause you were in there way. What happened to compassion in people. I just dont understand it anymore. I would watch people going about there business. They could walk through the store and were able to breath. I say to myself they dont know how lucky they are. What so many of us would give just to be able to walk through the store and be able to breath.

We all take so much for granted everyday. I know there are still things that I take for granted. We all have to be more aware of what we are saying and doing to people. We never know what someone might be going through. Life is not easy for any of us. I have to keep praying everyday that God gives me the strength to go on.