Starting A New Life

Trying to get back in the swing of things after coming home from the Cleveland Clinic was hard. There are a lot of things that we take for granted everyday that now I was aware of. Just taking a shower or walking to my car I was out of breath. I would have to sit and catch my breath.

When I came home I tried as best I could to explain it to my kids. My son was only two at the time. So I knew he would not understand much. I explained that mommy had a boo boo on her stomach and he had to be careful which side he could sit on. After there everytime he wanted to sit on my lap he would ask which side mom. I remember the first Sunday we were back at church. As we walked in my son Spencer jumped in front of me. Telling people to back up that I had a boo boo on my stomach and not to bump me. My daughter Dawn was very quiet. She never really said much about it. I was worried about her and how she was really handling all of this. Dawn tends to keep things to herself.

I was concerned as to how Spencer's dad was going to react when he found out. I was so afraid that he was going to try and take Spencer away from me. Dawn was older and I knew I would not have that problem with her dad. When Spencer's dad found out he just told me he was sorry I was going through this. That if at any time I needed him to keep Spencer he would. I didnt even dare ask him for help. I had family and friends that helped me with my kids when I needed them to.

Going back to work was a challenge for me. Working full time and trying to take care of my kids was not easy. Dealing with my illness was stressful enough. The medication I was on caused a great deal of pain. Just getting up out of a chair was painful. I would come home from work and be ready go to bed by 7PM everynight. Spencer would lay in bed with me and watch tv with me. That was about all I could do after working all day. I only worked for about 8 months after starting on my new medication. It was just way to much for me to handle.

I was approved for my disability within a couple of months. We had to wait until I had been off work for 5 months before I could start getting my benefits. That was a very difficult time. We lived only on the little bit of child support I received. Looking back I dont know how we made it through those few months. We made it through them together. Then I started getting angry with God. I will talk about that in my next post.